the Big Four

Here is the text from the back of the Bikedenver.org "Ride Safe" spoke cards, or what I now think of as the Big Four.

If you bike in Denver:
Drive your bike like you drive your car!

• Obey stop signs, traffic signs & stop lights
  Set an example for everyone and wait in line for a green light! Bikes and cars -- same rights, same laws.



• Take your place in traffic
  Ride your bike on the street; sidewalks are reserved for pedestrians



• Always ride with traffic
  When you're on a bicycle, you ARE traffic. Ride on the right; it's predictable and safer for everyone.



• Bicycle riding is prohibited on the 16th Street Mall
  Except on Sundays, when RTD lanes are open to bicyclists.

The first three are pretty universal. The fourth is obviously a concern only very locally. Not even everybody in Denver will ever try to ride on the Mall.

Judging from this list, one has to assume that riding on the 16th Street Mall is the fourth most often ticketed bike traffic infraction. Otherwise why include it on this list?

Bike Pirate

Ways in which bikers are like pirates.

1. A pirate without a ship is just a dude gazing forlornly at the horizon. A biker without a bike is just a dude gazing forlornly at the horizon.

2. A pirate does plunder, and make off with booty, swag, and loot. A biker does plunder, and make off with booty that he finds on the side of the road that a motorist will never see, or at least would never pull over and stop for.

3. A pirate is a freeman, who shirks country and obligation in pursuit of his own fate. Ditto for a biker. To an extent.

4. The Golden Age of Piracy came about because of widespread dissatisfaction and frustration with the oppressive treatment of sailors, indentured servants, and slaves. The Golden Age of Cycling came about because of widespread dissatisfaction and frustration with the detrimental and deleterious effects of consuming fossil fuels, and the cost thereof; the cost of upkeep, maintenance and insurance of the motor vehicle.

5. Both are subject to the whims and fancies of Mother Nature.

6. Pirates drink a lot of rum, grog, and ale. So do cyclists.

7. Similar to how pirates were privateers, buccaneers, freemen, mutineers, and mercenaries; bikers are also commuters, racers, messengers, campers, utilitarians, tourers, randonneurs, and fixies.

8. Pirates hate ninjas. Cyclists hate ninjas.

9. When there's no sailing to be done, and when there's no riding to be done, both a pirate and a biker feel and look like a dragon-slayer, when all the dragons have been slain.

10. ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

"Real" cyclists

So the Lady has said once or twice that she doesn't consider bikers without helmets, or after-hours bikers without lights to be "real bikers."

She doesn't feel as compelled to yield to, or share the road with, a helmet-less biker.

It seems as though the underlying logic behind this is that if a cyclist does not accept the responsibilities of the road, then they should not be granted the rights of the road.

Which is not legally correct.

But which I can't find fault with.

The groups and the individuals that I admire in the cycling world are champions of the notion that bikes are vehicles, and that they are as entitled to the road as any motor vehicle. And, to borrow a phrase, with great vehicular power comes great vehicular responsibility.

I definitely, loudly, look down upon those who do not take the responsibility of cycling seriously.

Hell, the point of this blog and the point of the Birate movement is to seek out and to stamp out bike ninjas, those cyclists who pedal around in the dark without lights.

These people, through ignorance or carelessness or who-knows-what, put themselves and others in mortal danger every time they ride.

And so, no, I don't consider them real cyclists in the sense that they are as entitled to the road as I am. I always wear a helmet, and I always wear my neon yellow safety jacket. I have reflective strips on my fenders and on my bags. I have a white flashing light in front, and a red flashing light in back, and they're on at night and during the day because you don't know when it's too cloudy or sunny or foggy or bright for motorists to see you.

Not wearing a helmet and not having lights on a bike is like not wearing your seatbelt and texting while eating a burger in a car.

You can be a reckless, careless biker just as easily as you can be a careless, reckless driver.

Ultimately, I don't find fault with the Lady's assertion that helmet-less, light-less cyclists are as entitled to the road as pedestrians. Because I don't think they consider themselves to be entitled to the road.

How can they?

Seriously, how can anybody be attuned to the dangers and responsibilities of being a cyclist on a road possibly ask for equal treatment and equal rights, but then not afford themselves the cyclist's equivalent of seatbelts and airbags?

They can't.

So once again, to all you bike ninjas, to all of you who use your beach cruiser and your mountain bike to go pick up a six pack of beer, to all of you who ride against traffic or who ride on the sidewalk, to all you who ride without helmets or headlights when it is unsafe to do so:

Stop it.

There are those of us who consider bicycling as a way of life, as a means of transportation, as a method of commuting to our jobs.

And you're hurting us.

Dictionary

HERE be the VELOSOPEDIA

B

Beausage - A portmanteau blending "beauty" and "usage." American pronunciation (rhymes with "usage") and French pronunciation ("Bo-Sahj") are equally acceptable. Coined by Grant Peterson in an issue of the Rivendell Reader, and as used by Rick Smith in the 10/11/2009 episode of Yehuda Moon.

Birate - Bike pirate.

C

Cage - Car.

Cager - Derogatory name for a somebody driving a motor vehicle.

Ciclovia - A planned event during which major roads are closed to automotive traffic. More.

I

Idaho - to roll through a stop sign while riding a bike. A reference to Idaho Statutes Title 49 section 720, which makes it lawful in Idaho to, while riding a bike, slow to a "reasonable speed" and the proceed through the intersection without having to come to a full and complete stop. Critics of the Idaho law sensationalize it by exclaiming that it's legal for bikes to run stop signs.

M

MSH - "Magic Styrofoam Hat." Term for a bicycle helmet that implies skepticism of its ability to prevent any and all physical harm to the person wearing it.

N

Ninja - A scofflaw cyclist that wears dark clothing at night with no reflectors or lights. They tend to ride erratically and in a way that they suppose avoids getting in the way of automobiles. By being unable or unwilling to put lights on their bicycle, they enshroud themselves in a ninja-like shroud of invisibility, endangering themselves and everybody around them.

Bike Ninjas are the natural enemy of the Bike Pirates.

P

Panda - A self portrait taken with a cell phone or camera while riding your bike. The word is a reference to a girl on flickr who, while probably not inventing the on-bike self-shot, apparently single-handedly popularized it.

Pedefish - A pedestrian salmon. Usually only encountered in bike lanes. Coined by the Cap'n in this post.

S

Salmon - A cyclist riding against traffic.

Skunk stripe - A stripe of mud or dirty water down the back of a cyclist who doesn't have fenders.

V

Velo - a prefix meaning "relating to a bicycle." The wikipedia entry for "velo" redirects to "bicycle." One of the earliest versions of the bicycle is called a velocipede. "Velocity" is a measure of speed because bicycles are fast and so you measure a bicycle is by its speed, or velocity. You don't really have a velocity if you're walking, or even running really fast. You have to at least be on a bike in order to have a velocity.

Jay? Peg?